Dear Dr. Rain:
Our son is now 12 years old. He has been disorganized since he was little. His room is a disaster. He claims he knows where everything is, but this isn’t true. He loses his homework, before he turns it in and then finds it two days later deep in his drawer with socks. He is usually late for things, and always the last one out the house in the morning. Lately, this has become a worse problem for him. He was always able to compensate because he is so smart. But now, he is starting to fall behind because the work is getting so demanding. I am disorganized, but my wife is not. I don’t think he is just copying me. Do you have any advice?
Signed, Disorganized Parent
Dear Disorganized Parent,
It is not unusual that a child can compensate for problems for many years until the school or home demands become more substantial. Former compensation techniques no longer work well enough in the face of increasing school pressure, and the parents then seek assistance.
The word “organized” is a complex one and refers to many issues. Many parents use this word to refer to a child’s ability to focus and stay on task until it is completed, and completed in a timely fashion. Parents also use the word to refer to adherence to routines, keeping track of belongings, of homework assignments, of directives given by adults, as well as keeping the bedroom fairly neat.
To remain organized, therefore, certainly requires an ability to focus when the subject at hand is boring to the child. It also requires that the child be able to put off immediate gratification in order to engage in less interesting activities. It also requires that the child be able to remember, on an intermediate or on a short term basis, information or directives given by the adult.
There are certain types of learning differences that can cause problems with organization. AD/HD Predominantly the Inattentive Type can also cause significant problems with organization. These types of causes are due to the way the brain functions, and are usually, but not always, inherited.
Certain types of family environments can exacerbate preexisting problems with organization, but typically are not the primary cause.
It should also be noted that there are children who have organization problems that do not reflect any underlying disorder. All children have strengths and weaknesses. Not all weaknesses are a sign of pathology. Parents work hard to recognize and celebrate a child’s strengths, and help the child to deal with weaknesses so they do not create real problems for the child.
At some point, parents may feel enough concern that a consultation with a Child Psychologist is warranted. During a consultation the Psychologist will take a detailed history from the parents and offer ideas to help the child. Sometimes, the Psychologist will recommend testing. Testing can give the parents valuable information in order to understand and help the child improve organization skills.
