Riverview Psychology

Child Psychologist - Brevard Co., Florida

Call for your appointment: (321) 984-0708

My Child is Disorganized

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Dear Dr. Rain:

Our son is now 12 years old. He has been disorganized since he was little. His room is a disaster. He claims he knows where everything is, but this isn’t true. He loses his homework, before he turns it in and then finds it two days later deep in his drawer with socks. He is usually late for things, and always the last one out the house in the morning. Lately, this has become a worse problem for him. He was always able to compensate because he is so smart. But now, he is starting to fall behind because the work is getting so demanding. I am disorganized, but my wife is not. I don’t think he is just copying me.  Do you have any advice?

Signed, Disorganized Parent

Dear Disorganized Parent,

It is not unusual that a child can compensate for problems for many years until the school or home demands become more substantial. Former compensation techniques no longer work well enough in the face of increasing school pressure, and the parents then seek assistance.

The word “organized” is a complex one and refers to many issues. Many parents use this word to refer to a child’s ability to focus and stay on task until it is completed, and completed in a timely fashion. Parents also use the word to refer to adherence to routines, keeping track of belongings, of homework assignments, of directives given by adults, as well as keeping the bedroom fairly neat.

To remain organized, therefore, certainly requires an ability to focus when the subject at hand is boring to the child. It also requires that the child be able to put off immediate gratification in order to engage in less interesting activities. It also requires that the child be able to remember, on an intermediate or on a short term basis, information or directives given by the adult.

There are certain types of learning differences that can cause problems with organization. AD/HD  Predominantly the Inattentive Type can also cause significant problems with organization. These types of causes are due to the way the brain functions, and are usually, but not always, inherited.

Certain types of family environments can exacerbate preexisting problems with organization, but  typically are not the primary cause.

It should also be noted that there are children who have organization problems that do not reflect any underlying disorder. All children have strengths and weaknesses. Not all weaknesses are a sign of pathology. Parents work hard to recognize and celebrate a child’s strengths, and help the child to deal with weaknesses so they do not create real problems for the child.

At some point, parents may feel enough concern that a consultation with a Child Psychologist is warranted. During a consultation the Psychologist  will take a detailed history from the parents and offer ideas to help the child. Sometimes, the Psychologist will recommend testing. Testing can give the parents valuable information in order to understand and help the child improve organization skills.

Bullying At School

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Dear Dr. Rain:

Summer didn’t come soon enough for my 9-year-old son. The whole school year he was bullied by two boys. They were cruel with their words. They also would physically hurt him on the sly, always when the teacher didn’t see it. He went from a confident, happy child, to a boy who hated school and was miserable until the weekends.

Nothing I did with the teacher and principal helped. They refused to do anything big enough to change this. I would like to make sure he is in a class without these two boys, or else switch schools. My husband thinks he needs to learn to stand up for himself. I don’t think so.

What is your take on this?

Signed,
Thinking of Homeschooling
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Help For Reading Problems

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Dear Dr. Rain:

My son is very smart. He can take apart an old fashioned clock and put it together even though he is only 8 years old. He was held back in first grade because he couldn’t read. He still has big reading problems and is far behind his class. His math is great. He can focus well and he behaves well. The reading problems are taking a toll on his self-esteem and he is starting to call himself “stupid”. This breaks my heart. What can be done? The school gives him extra help but it doesn’t help. Does he have Dyslexia? Signed, College Educated

Dear College Educated:

Reading problems are a common reason parents consult a child psychologist. In our world, a child who cannot read well is at risk for developing other problems due to constant struggling. Even a very bright child begins to wonder if he or she is “stupid”.

The first step is to talk to your Pediatrician about a referral to a Child Psychologist if you do not know one in your area. An eye exam is also indicated to be sure there is no vision problem.

A Child Psychologist will take a detailed history and then likely schedule 4 to 6 testing visits to determine the nature of the reading problems. After, he or she will meet with the parents to discuss the findings and recommendations.

If Dyslexia is diagnosed, the Psychologist will refer you to a private tutor who specializes in using the Lindamood Bell Method to remediate Dyslexia. There are several in our area, but most private tutors do not use this method. It is a rare school that uses this method to help failing readers. This is because the method is expensive: it involves individualized tutoring 3 to 4 times per week. However it is highly effective. The cost of not treating Dyslexia often far exceeds the cost of this tutoring.

It can be confusing to parents that schools do not diagnose Dyslexia. Public schools typically will do testing to determine if the scores fall in a pattern that would qualify the student for special services. They are not in the business of making diagnoses.

There are many very successful individuals in the community who have Dyslexia. For example, many engineers have Dyslexia. The problem does not mean your child cannot succeed. I recommend that you seek evaluation so that remediation can begin.

Model Good Emotional Control

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Dear Dr. Rain:

Our 10 year old son has always had trouble with controlling himself when he is frustrated or angry. He is well behaved at school, but not at home. He also has a temper on the soccer field. Both my husband and myself do have a lot of stress and lose it at home. I admit that sometimes we are pretty loud at his soccer games too. He doesn’t have AD/HD according to his Pediatrician. Is there anything we can do to help him at home? Signed, T. L.

Dear T.L.:

Children are born with different temperaments. Some children are more passive or easy going by nature. Others experience emotions very strongly and are more likely to flare up when frustrated. It can be a challenge to help a youngster learn to deal with strong emotions, because the flare ups not only concern the parents, but also impact everyone in the home. When a parent is already feeling stressed, these temper outbursts can be overwhelming.

From your letter, I suspect that you already realize that your own behavior might play a part in your child’s explosions.

The first step in helping a child to learn self control is for the parent to model self control. A frank discussion between you and your husband can help you to identify the factors that trigger your loss of control. For example, is the family overscheduled with too many activities and commitments, resulting in a constant feeling of pressure? If so, you can start to eliminate commitments and focus more on family time at home. This can greatly reduce stress.

In our very busy society, it is common that the parents and children are not getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleep deficiency makes it very hard to exercise self control in frustrating situations. This is true for adults as well as children. Examine the sleep schedule for your family and make changes if necessary.

If you are swearing when you lose control, set up a “cuss” jar. If your child catches you, you owe the jar 25 cents. When the jar is full, the family can go out for ice cream as a treat. Each time you swear, you are teaching your child that is okay to lose control.

If these types of lifestyle changes do not see a reduction in your son’s outbursts, I would recommend you consult with a Child Psychologist. The Psychologist can teach you tools to help your son master self control.

Anxiety, Stress and Asthma

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Dear Dr. Rain:

My 8-year-old son saw his doctor who said he definitely has asthma. He’s  probably had it for a couple of years. Anyway, his doctor said that stress and anxiety can be a factor in an asthma attack. How could this be? I admit, we are pretty stressed out as a family and he does worry too much. Is it true that stress can be part of the picture?

Signed,

Breathing Problems in Palm Bay

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